Rest vs Recovery - What's the Difference?

What is the difference between recovery and rest?

This is a question that I have had the chance to explore in the first few months of 2025.

On Jan 27th 2025,  I submitted myself for a necessary surgery.  A condition was that was not life threatening, but the symptoms were impacting my quality of life enough to have the surgery.  The recovery was a full six weeks.  NO driving, no lifting a kettle (5 lbs), no exercising, simply recovering.

For someone like myself, and – I would imagine - many of you, this does not come easily. There are so many complex reasons that this is not easy.  
Three reasons come to mind for me why recovery can be so challenging:

•IDENTITY

•DISTRACTION

•PURPOSE

Let me talk about each of these three.

Identity

When I say Identity, the question is:  where do I find my identity?  Is it found in what I do, who I am, what I believe…is it the people that like my LinkedIn or Facebook posts, what I am paid, the accolades I get…what is it?  

When you submit yourself to the process of recovery, whatever it is you are recovering from, much of those externals are stripped away.

In my case, because of my age and stage of life, I spent a LOT of time on my own.  

In this recovery.  I had friends that reached out and visited, brought meals, and spent time with me. I have a very loyal and loving spouse who diligently lifted things for me for the 6 weeks and drove me places, but the reality is, HE is in a very pivotal time in his career.  While he did work from home some days….for most days, it was Me. Myself. and I…..and my thoughts.  

Certainly in that, we have a choice.  

It takes clarity to be aware of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions trying to come into the quiet places.  Not to allow your emotions to dictate who you actually believe that you are.  To have the assurance that you are OK as a human BEING and not as a human DOING.   This is deep work which sometimes happens in therapy, in coaching, or in journalling and self-reflection.

However, when those conversations with yourself get too tough, the reality is, there are so many distractions in this world that we can fill ourselves with that we don’t HAVE to answer those deeper questions.  

Distraction

Sometimes it’s OK to pause this conversation.  But not to delete it forever!

For me, in my recovery journey, I slept a lot.  That’s positive.  The first three weeks, I slept an awful lot.  I consciously stayed in my pajamas, because if I had got dressed, especially if I was dressed to shoes, I would work.  So, for the first three weeks, I pretty much stayed in my pajamas.

Once a week I left the house, but that was it.  I slept.

I also watched Netflix.  Sometimes this was positive…and sometimes this was simply to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t go down the deep dark rabbit hole of thoughts which included such insanity as:  “am I ever going to work again…am I every going to travel again…am I ever going to be able to do the things that I love to do?  Will I ever be able to DRIVE again?”

Of COURSE I will be able to drive again!

But this is where our thoughts can lock us into a prison that we would never have chosen to go into.  But because I was willing to acknowledge these emotions, it allowed me to do something with them.

And I learned this process from my own coach Noel Brosnan, in a series of coaching sessions that we did recently when I was deciding to make some major changes in my own life.

What are the three steps of how to process emotions?

1 – Let it COME

I had to take the take the time to allow those thoughts, feelings and emotions to come.  No matter how I had tried to push them away or pretend they didn’t exist.

If I kept Netflix on 24/7, what would I have looked like at the end of the six weeks?  

That’s a question only each of us can figure out if we choose to hide in distraction

We have to let it come.  We cannot be afraid of allowing these emotions to come…fear, sadness, grieving…whatever emotions emerge.

2 – Let it BE

Sit with the emotions for a little while.  Where do you feel them in your body?  In your head, chest, stomach, heart?  I am not an expert on this….but even acknowledging the physicality of the emotions can help to bring awareness.  To lessen the impact.

At the moment when I thought I was “never going to work ever again…”, I sat with that emotion for a little while.  And then I remembered and realised that I react strongly to certain medications, and that paranoia is a recurring physiological feature for me in any kind of major medical situation in my life.  I have felt these irrational “the world is going to end” thoughts before!  

When I remembered that, and recognised that…I was THEN able to take the next step:

3 – Let it GO

Emotions are indicators.  They are NOT who we are!  So, once we have let the emotions come, and let them be….we can then let them GO!

Brené Brown wrote an amazing book called “Atlas of the Heart” which was a very generous gift from a colleague who knows me well enough to realise that I might be dealing with a variety of emotions through my recovery.

The book has been incredibly powerful to give me clarity about WHAT I am feeling, HOW I am feeling it, and what CHOICES I have in that emotion.  At the end of the feelings…there is a time to LET THEM GO.  

It is truly all about choice.

Purpose

In my recovery, I had the chance to do a little bit of coaching work with a lovely woman in her 40’s in a set of 3 free coaching sessions.  This was my gift to this woman…and we had some powerful conversations.  One of the topics that emerged was this idea of Purpose.  

Purpose looks different to every one of us.  However, through coaching her, I was able to revisit my own core values, my mission and my vision.  And I spent some time using the below link to re-create my own Personal Mission Statement.  

https://msb.franklincovey.com/how-to-build-a-mission-statement/

In the book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey says to “Begin with the End in Mind….” To consider who you are, what you value, how you want to think and act to serve the people in your circle of influence in a way that matters to you, and to others.  This, for me, is all part of reminding myself of MY purpose.  To help others be better tomorrow than they are today.  And fortunately, I have that same lens for myself.  Even when it is really, really hard.

Conclusion:

I am coming to the end of this six weeks “formal” recovery period….which, in all reality, is the end of the beginning of a new season, and a new way of life for me in some of the choices I make.  

It will be very important for me to consider my future decisions regarding what I do physically.  What I lift.  How I exercise.  What I prioritise.  This will be critical for me so I do not require this surgery again.  I have a decision to make in this.  Will I push myself beyond my limits and end up here again?  Or will I leave space for rest?  

I will explore the topic of REST in a future blog. But let me say that rest is NOT the same as recovery. For so many reasons, it is very different.

The good news, is that when I look back on this season (even though I am not sure that February 2025 actually happened!), I am reminded of three things:

I am grateful.   Because of the hard work of self-awareness, journalling, reflection and discussion with others, I am much more calm and measured on the other side of this recovery season.

I am loved.   Many times it is in vulnerability that you see the ties of community and connection that are solid.  There are many people that care about me.

I am able.  No matter what the situation is, I am always able to make a choice do something. Even if it is sleep.  Drink a little more water.  Ring a friend.  Forgive someone. Deliver an effective training programme.   But if all of that is stripped away, I always have a choice.  
And that’s what I want to be ABLE for as I go forward. The ability to make wise choices.

If you’ve made it to the end of this blog post, I am really grateful that you’ve read my story. I’d love to hear from you if you have thoughts or comments on your own journey of recovery. Email me at terri@cornerstonelearning.ie or find me on LinkedIn.  I’d love to connect!

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Photo by Min An: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-cat-lying-on-table-1444492/

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